Tuesday, September 30, 2014
Thursday, September 25, 2014
The second section is dedicated to training. Since you can't really read about many of these types of scenes, I have collected the best of youtube in several topics, including fire play, flogging, caning, waxing, and so on.
The third section focuses on the DIY training videos and documents. Primarily on toys, but also a few equipment DIY videos or documents.
I am really looking forward to this project after completing version 3 of the Hankee Code app and version 2 of the Hankee Code Memory Game.
Sunday, September 21, 2014
My first experience with the Old Guard was to be bound and locked in a cage. BORING. But I did it and transformed the boredom into sensuality. Once the Master returned and released me, I was eager to please him to give him my gratitude. I understood the why. I got it. Following was to be a fucking session, but at this time I would not concede my ass to anyone. I was a top...period. I wasn't trying out to be a slave, but rather a mentor in Mastery and being fucked was not on my list. Reflecting back, I missed many good opportunities for a good fuck
One of the key elements of the Old Guard is to break a new slave or sub. I got to experience this during my training. I personally am not into shaming, as there are many ways to dominate without humiliation. But humility is important to being a slave and to experience it was enough.
Finally I met Daddy Dan. He mentored me in many play scenes, including fisting, flogging, waxing, folsom unit (tens), and fire play. Also he taught me how to dominate without humiliation, but rather encouragement. That has stuck with me to this day.
I appreciate my time with those of the Old Guard, but am happy being a more moderate. Since I don't live the lifestyle 24/7, I like that I'm not filled with an ego that needs to be stroked by destroying a sub. The fundamentals that I learned can now be learned online with various sites and with YouTube.
Just completed the torture chamber. A padded wall with hand and ankle shackles. It can be used as a flogging chamber, an electric chamber, a paddling and spanking chamber, and a get getup for fire play. It took several days to complete, but the boys will appreciate it.
A place to play scenes is important. The bedroom reduces it to a kink, but the atmosphere just isn't "dark" enough. Besides the bedroom is where Keven and I make love or just horseplay (love wrestling).
The torture chamber separates itself as a self contained environment that draws the participants into the scene.
And the fucking on the torture chamber will be hot, very hot.
It's difficult to define submission. It is so much more than just giving up one's self, but the celebration of being Mastered. It takes loyalty to surpass your own pre set expectation of serving. To serve without loyalty is empty and misses the mark.
I demand trust, loyalty, and true submission. A boy that is offering themselves without these characteristics is only a fuck (no problem with that). But if a boy wants to serve, and will let me play with any toy of my choice, I may consider the slave option.
Don't think I would want a full time slave. I'm quite happy in my relationship and don't need to complicate as the slave would only have half of my commitment.
My perfect boy slave would be sexually versatile, short, quiet nature, and extremely horny all the time (oh ya). Till then I'll have to play Jet like he's my bitch. Bend over Jed.
I hate that word. It hits me at the core of who I am and who I want to be. But my insecurities are not general, but rather, very specific. Who do I have the most insecurity with........Jed Hot (Keven's alter ego). It doesn't really make a lot of sense. I've had open relationships throughout my life. In truth, it's the only form of relationship that I believe is honest. No hiding desires, talk to the boys in the open, set up a good three way, and worry about Jed Hot. What? What was that last one? Why be insecure with someone who is an open book and doesn't hide who he is.
Where does this insecurity come from. I didn't have it with Roland....but, Roland (slave robear) was a submissive and our relationship was balanced between daddy/boy. That is not the relationship that I have with Jed Hot. He and I are switchers, sometimes during the same sexual situation. Jed can be a submissive where I don't get to experience that. That's it. There's the root to my insecurity.
You see, Keven isn't able to let Jed out on me. Strangers, hell ya, but his partner....no. Jed Hot isn't a dominate, but more an aggressor. Though close in styles, there are very distinct differences. A dominate balances with a sub, where an aggressor is independent and self serving.
The weekend I met Keven, I met Jed Hot first hand. I rejected his advances as he kinda scared the shit out of me. The one risk with Jed.....he may or may not stop if you say no, but if he's in a mood, he will not and will continue until he is self satisfied with a heavy load.
But I don't experience Jed Hot. I only get Keven. But our third parties get to experience him. I get to stand or lie next to Jed Hot going at it...wishing....desiring...why can't that be me. He says that it's because he loves me. Jed Hot could hurt me and he wouldn't forgive himself. Wow, it's fucking, it's a play scene, and it stays in the bedroom/dungeon.
Why insecure. Because I will be pretty pissed off if others get what I want.
Saturday, September 20, 2014
An effective Master will guide you, nurture you, and demand of you. Your loyalty is unquestionable, and you are aware of the needs of your Master before He or She has an opportunity to think of it themselves. A slaves love to their Master is unbreakable. It's a solid sheet of metal that covers your submission and is the key driver to your devotion.
Tuesday, September 16, 2014
Unfortunately, Keven doesn't appear to be able to let Jed out with me. He doesn't want to hurt me. But the pain that he exerts, is transformed within me and becomes my personal fit for being dominated without losing my domination. Don't get me wrong, I can boy out, not as good as a real boy, but I give it my all. And I can't think of a better person to do this with then Keven. But I don't want Jed to only occur with three ways and encounters. I want to experience Jed with myself. I'm attracted to Jed, his anger, his control, and impulse for self gratification...all the things I feel as a Dom. But Jed is not a Dom in the same sense. He is an aggressive top. That distinction is what makes me feel more at ease, because he isn't threatening my own ego. He is simply topping a dom, transforming the Dom into a boy.
I don't know if I'm a switch. I'm versatile, but that's different. I can maintain being a Dom even if I'm being fucked. Being a switch is someone who can go from Dom to sub. That appears to be something that is a greater challenge for some like myself. I want to experience true submission, but I would never live or maintain a sub mode. It would be purely on a sexual basis. They would need to be more dominate then myself, yet not threatening. I have to connect, without it, I won't put my guard down and there will be no dominating. I believe I would get all of this from Jed. Jed is my fantasy, while Keven lies next to me. Don't get me wrong, I prefer Keven to Jed 6 to 1, but I hunger for a part of Keven that he wants to surpress from me. But in truth, if he plays with others, Jed is going to come out because he'll protect his love. So I get to play beside Jed, but his attention is on the boy toy. And I can't be submissive when a boy is present, just isn't going to happen. So I get to watch, but not experience.
What hinders all of this? Love. Keven would rather experience making love then he would role play. Since I seem to be the predominate top in this situation, love making works well. Also because he loves me, he doesn't want to physically harm me, so he is less apt to smacking my face or saying something agressive. I want to be bound and in his total control.