Partner to sub, can it even work.

Sometimes the cluse are presented right in front of a Dom and we just don't see it.  Though I have been accused of this many times, I have overheard the subs chattering and it appears to be a general consensus among the slaves/subs though I doubt many would state that directly to their Master/Dom.  

OK, what's this all about.  It's about Jed of course.  No, actually about's about Kevin.  Confused, don't be their the same person, Jed is the dom alter ego of Kevin.  Whereas I am pretty much Dom all the time, Kevin really only "role plays" a character that he has used as his front.  Of course, as I have previously wrote about, I'm attracted to Jed.

So we have tried letting Jed out on me finally.  Well, it didn't go as expected or is it that we should have suspected the end results.  I can't be Dommed without Domming at the same time.  Meaning it's top/top situation.  Oh ya, he'll fuck me, but the moment he tried to go pass a point of domination, I immediately take back control and demand to be the alpha.  Now don't get me wrong, being choked, being slapped on the face while being pounded is quite enjoyable, but I don't submit to Jed.  It just can't happen.  But that's ok, or at least it was.

Sex today started as it does almost everyday of our relationship.  That in itself is significant because sex various in positions, roles, etc.  What I'm saying is that I'm not only having sex everyday, it's also fresh and definitely not stagnant.

I see I've swayed from the purpose of this blog.  It's what happened during sex today.   Kevin was being my boy.  He was serving me.  He was being submissive.  Hold on, pull the brakes, the guy that can choke the hell out of you, make you see stars, all while calling you defiled names (now I'm hard).  The point, my co-top partner, who seeks out the boys with me, was submitting to me...genuinely.

I have been interviewing men to be my submissive or slave.  It's challenging because I don't want a live in slave, and many require too much attention and financial support.  I simply want to own you while your in my house and let you be you once you walk back out my door.  The point is that I never considered Kevin.  He's not leather.  Oh ya, he's played with toys, and been fucked silly, but he's never experienced the collar of security that comes from being protected and loved by a Dom.  

Needless to say, I came three times during this session.  But I discovered that it was difficult to completely Dom Kevin.  I don't want to hurt him, I don't even know his limits.  So anyone who read my post about how it was unfair that Kevin could release Jed onto our third parties, he couldn't release him onto me.  Turns out, I view it the same way towards him.  Master Ty has played...heavily...pain intense......mind fucking.......thrives with the control, .......lost in my ego.  

will I collar Kevin.  No...well...I don't know.  There are both sexual and mental benefits of having someone collared who is NOT your partner.  I don't want a sub who knows my finances or personal weaknesses.  I want a fucking sub who is going to worship my feet as though I'm Christ himself and as far as I'm concerned am.  I want to call my sub a faggot while I choke them on my cock.  I want to slap my boy across the face, throw them to the ground, grab their neck and ram into them until they cum without even touching their cock.  I want to release my God complex and pull my sub by what little hair they have and kiss my property.  I want to tell them to stay on their knees and be my foot stool while toys are inserted in their rectum.  I want to be dark, I want to be me.  Can I do that with my life partner. I don't really know.  

But till that time, there's only one thing I can do, and that is to continue to bring home the subs.  I would rather Kevin continue to see all the aspects of submission, what it means, and whether he is truly sub.  If today was any indication, he definitely has the potential of being a wonderful sub.  And if he is a natural sub......there is no way I'm allowing him to find a Dom outside of us.  It will be me or he will not be subbed.  .  

BDSM Session Music

From day to day it is not uncommon to see my jamming to my country music.  25 years in Texas will leave that mark on you.  Male country singers seem to touch my soul unlike my rock bands where I identify more with my leather.  And there is industrial, stoner rock, industrial rock, punk rock, acid metal, industrial metal, heavy metal....and so on.   That's where I get my session music.  Music that will swing my flogger and build my dominate energy during play.  Sound simple....guess what, it's not.  Sometimes I want heavy thrashing because I intend to flog and fuck from behind right after.   I want screaming, moaning, thrashing music that almost controls the heart beat.  The kind of music that makes you want to piss up someone's ass.  

But never session is the same.  Sometimes I you need music that fits the boy's worship and a steady beat for the use of belting, whips, zippers, and cock and ball torture.  A more general rock beat is needed at this type. Since I LOVE playing with boys (um, over 18 years of age, people) , they prefer more of a tech beat to their session.  And again, since I LOVE to play my boys, I must say the tech music really get's their ass into the beat.

But not all toys are based on swinging or need for a constant beat.  Fire music (which tech can really be effective in a dungeon) and electric play requires yet another type of music.  You still want the undertone of industrial, but is more melancholy.

Bondage depends on the type of bondage.  Rope bondage needs a steady soft flow as time will pass during the knotting.  However, chain the bitch to the wall with restraints and the mood is definately highented and either a steady session or dark session could occur.

That is what my app the BDSMusic: Protos is all about.  A collection of music by session type to be able to immediately focus on their session and not the music.

Fire play mishap

I love fire play.  The use of fire, skin, and sex leads to a very enjoyable part of a day.  Currently I like fie cupping over the wand as it takes A LOT of practice to precise fire payment and the control of that fire.  

I love teaching.  Teaching fire play takes several sessions and a lot of patience.   I always use myself as their first person experience.   I share things like "your leaving fire going too long, too short, and the painful acknowledgement that it's burning and hurting like hell. 

I'm posting a video I shot of where the fire got out of control and gave me 1st degree burns.  Unfortunately,  I didn't do the same steps with my partner as I do with trainees. Im posting the mistake to show newbies and remind the experts of the risks of fire play when not properly trained.

BDSM Academy Flogging

BDSM Academy Shibari

Started working on the BDSM Academy app for android.  The app will consist of three major sections.  First is the extensive dictionary of BDSM terms.  Currently there are over 800 entries, but there are duplicates that are being weeded out.  The white version only consists of the verbage, where the black version will include images portraying each of the fetishes in action.

The second section is dedicated to training.  Since you can't really read about many of these types of scenes, I have collected the best of youtube in several topics, including fire play, flogging, caning, waxing, and so on.

The third section focuses on the DIY training videos and documents.  Primarily on toys, but also a few equipment DIY videos or documents.

I am really looking forward to this project after completing version 3 of the Hankee Code app and version 2 of the Hankee Code Memory Game.

Excellent Rope instructions

The Dragonfly Sleeve by TKB: http://youtu.be/9wj6rmoJhsE

Experience of the Old Guard

It was the 80's.  I was a young pup that desired to be a Master, but had no experience or knowledge to really state that I was leather.  I played, oh I played, but it was leather sex and not really a protocol.  This changed in the late 80's when I was introduced to several Master's of the Old Guard.  You know them when you see them in a bar.  They not only wear leather, but have an attitude and communication style that is unique to those of the Old Guard.  Many of the Master's I met had served in the war and at times were POWs.  It was this time period that they drew from themselves, change the suffering to sensuality.  It kept many from breaking.  Once they left service and returned home they found that regular sex just didn't do it for them.

My first experience with the Old Guard was to be bound and locked in a cage.  BORING.  But I did it and transformed the boredom into sensuality. Once the Master returned and released me, I was eager to please him to give him my gratitude.  I understood the why.  I got it.  Following was to be a fucking session, but at this time I would not concede my ass to anyone.  I was a top...period.  I wasn't trying out to be a slave, but rather a mentor in Mastery and  being fucked was not on my list.  Reflecting back, I missed many good opportunities for a good fuck

One of the key elements of the Old Guard is to break a new slave or sub.  I got to experience this during my training.  I personally am not into shaming, as there are many ways to dominate without humiliation.  But humility is important to being a slave and to experience it was enough.  

Finally I met Daddy Dan.  He mentored me in many play scenes, including fisting, flogging, waxing, folsom unit (tens), and fire play.  Also he taught me how to dominate without humiliation, but rather encouragement. That has stuck with me to this day.

I appreciate my time with those of the Old Guard, but am happy being a more moderate.  Since I don't live the lifestyle 24/7, I like that I'm not filled with an ego that needs to be stroked by destroying a sub.  The fundamentals that I learned can now be learned online with various sites and with YouTube.

The torture chamber

Just completed the torture chamber.  A padded wall with hand and ankle shackles.  It can be used as a flogging chamber, an electric chamber, a paddling and spanking chamber, and a get getup for fire play.  It took several days to complete, but the boys will appreciate it.

A place to play scenes is important.  The bedroom reduces it to a kink, but the atmosphere just isn't "dark" enough.  Besides the bedroom is where Keven and I make love or just horseplay (love wrestling). 

The torture chamber separates itself as a self contained environment that draws the participants into the scene. 

And the fucking on the torture chamber will be hot, very hot.

My sub

It's difficult to define submission.  It is so much more than just giving up one's self, but the celebration of being Mastered.  It takes loyalty to surpass your own pre set expectation of serving.  To serve without loyalty is empty and misses the mark.

I demand trust, loyalty, and true submission.  A boy that is offering themselves without these characteristics is only a fuck (no problem with that).  But if a boy wants to serve, and will let me play with any toy of my choice, I may consider the slave option.

Don't think I would want a full time slave.  I'm quite happy in my relationship and don't need to complicate as the slave would only have half of my commitment.  
My perfect boy slave would be sexually versatile, short,  quiet nature, and extremely horny all the time (oh ya).  Till then I'll have to play Jet like he's my bitch.  Bend over Jed.

The Jed Hot syndrome

I hate that word.  It hits me at the core of who I am and who I want to be.  But my insecurities are not general, but rather, very specific.  Who do I have the most insecurity with........Jed Hot (Keven's alter ego).  It doesn't really make a lot of sense.  I've had open relationships throughout my life.  In truth, it's the only form of relationship that I believe is honest.  No hiding desires, talk to the boys in the open, set up a good three way, and worry about Jed Hot.  What?  What was that last one?  Why be insecure with someone who is an open book and doesn't hide who he is.

Where does this insecurity come from.  I didn't have it with Roland....but, Roland (slave robear) was a submissive and our relationship was balanced between daddy/boy.  That is not the relationship that I have with Jed Hot. He and I are switchers, sometimes during the same sexual situation.   Jed can be a submissive where I don't get to experience that.  That's it.  There's the root to my insecurity.

You see, Keven isn't able to let Jed out on me.  Strangers, hell ya, but his partner....no.  Jed Hot isn't a dominate, but more an aggressor.  Though close in styles, there are very distinct differences.  A dominate balances with a sub, where an aggressor is independent and self serving.

The weekend I met Keven, I met Jed Hot first hand.  I rejected his advances as he kinda scared the shit out of me.  The one risk with Jed.....he may or may not stop if you say no, but if he's in a mood, he will not and will continue until he is self satisfied with a heavy load.

But I don't experience Jed Hot.  I only get Keven.  But our third parties get to experience him.  I get to stand or lie next to Jed Hot going at it...wishing....desiring...why can't that be me.  He says that it's because he loves me.  Jed Hot could hurt me and he wouldn't forgive himself.  Wow, it's fucking, it's a play scene, and it stays in the bedroom/dungeon.

Why insecure.  Because I will be pretty pissed off if others get what I want.

Old Guard - Re-print

Gay male leather culture has existed since the late 1940s,[1] when it likely grew out of post-WWII biker culture. Early gay leather bars were subcultural versions of the motorcycle club with pioneering gay motorcycle clubs including the Satyrs, established in Los Angeles in 1954; Oedipus, also established in Los Angeles in 1958, and the New York Motorbike Club. Early San Francisco clubs included the Warlocks and the California Motor Club[2], while early clubs in Sydney included the South Pacific Motor Club (SPMC). Leather Clubs for gay men started in Amsterdam and Berlin in the 1950s, and inSydney from 1970.. The community started out as small motorcycle clubs that practiced a form of masculine gay sexuality. To say there is set old guard protocols and rules as wrong. Each individual club had there own form and rules. Leather is a core part of this community as they wore it to look Butch and for protection. There core believe was that new comers had to earn there leathers thus there place in the community. They had individual apprenticeship where the apprentice earned pieces of leather when the top or Master thought he was ready. This led to the practice of earning your collar. First the sub might get a collar of consideration, then a training collar and after months or even years might earn his collar. 

Old Guard vs. New guard has been a long standing debate stating that old guard was all about form and protocols, and new guard is disorderly and more individualized. Truly both forms existed from the beginning since each club had there own rules and ways of running things. Some clubs where all about rituals and protocols where other embraced the biker code more and was about disorder and chaos. Some engaged in strict forms of courtesy thus the old guard protocol so many says was hallmark of all old guard life styles, while some welcomed newcomers to the leather community through bars and clubs. Some state that anything before the 1980’s was old guard but many changes had already been incorporated into the leather community by that time. Some classify old guard is the generation that came before the current one, and the generation that follows the current one is new guard. Now the new guard is not mainly leather gay groups, but encompasses a wide variety of individuals who subscribe to the protocols set down as standard for old guard. Old guard believed in new members learning the rules and earning there place in the community. They had to practice strict protocol into how they dressed and spoke to members that were higher ranking then them. They had high principles and values and if you didn’t meet them you weren’t welcome to the group. Old guard had a rule seniority was proven through experience. You had to earn your right to be called Master and work you way up that is largely ignored today when so many call themselves Master’s with no experience at all. Most old guard had a dress code. The dress code they followed showed experience without the need for words. There was significance to each piece of leather they earned and any member looking at someone could tell where they were in experience by what they had on. Social interaction was usually pretty formal. Those in senior positions usually took lead in conversations and they weren’t to be interrupted. Submissives weren’t’ supposed to make eye contact unless told to. They were expected to walk a half step behind there Dominants. There was certain ways they served there Dominants which varied with individual clubs and people. Some had to always serve on there knees while others could serve standing upright but had to carry and hand things a certain way. High protocol is rarely used to day. Most think common courtesy and politeness is usually enough.

The internet has opened a whole new realm of rules and protocols not only for old guard/new guard life style people but every one in between as well. Now you have not only old guard, new guard, you have Goreans, players, and internetters as well. Many think we should go back to basic courtesies and forget all the games. So what does back to the basics mean? It means to adopt a set of values and principles that are consistent through all aspects of BDSM. Whether you’re leather, new guard, gorean, etc., the values and principles should be the same. In my opinion, it is time to get rid of the politics, the egos, and the pretenders. How one practice their BDSM lifestyle is relatively unimportant. What one does and says is very important. Those old guard values and principles -- good manners, being courteous, not lying, honor, honesty, reliability, integrity, generosity, trustworthiness, responsibility, respect for others, common sense, a sense of humor, a willingness to help others, open and honest communication, trust or respect -- is what this lifestyle should be all about.

Being a slave

Though the concept of a slave is that they are giving up total control and submission, this is only partially true.  A slave is actually in total control because of the safe word.  Therefore, there is a limit to the submission.  But this doesn't take away from the value of being a slave, but rather a personal tool to increase your limits by NOT using the safe word quickly and attempting to surpass your limits.

An effective Master will guide you, nurture you, and demand of you.  Your loyalty is unquestionable, and you are aware of the needs of your Master before He or She has an opportunity to think of it themselves.  A slaves love to their Master is unbreakable.  It's a solid sheet of metal that covers your submission and is the key driver to your devotion.

Being a Master

Being a master is more than being in control of another person.  Everyone's ego can appreciate a good domination.  But being a master is as much about self control and exploration as it is about domination.  

An effective Master guides their subs and are aware of their physical and mental status at all times.  If you only break a sub without re-shaping them, then you have accomplished very little.   A sub or slave is devoted to serving your needs.  To serve their's, you only need to accept their offering.  Ignoring this aspect will lessen the effect of Mastering.

Don't mistake domination versus sexual position.  As a bi-sexual Master, I enjoy being fucked as much as fucking.  This doesn't change my role, just my position.  

Don't use toys or devices on subs without some knowledge of it's use and limits.  Keep those limits in mind.  As Master's we push our subs just pass their comfort zone.  This is where trust is key and without it, little success will be accomplished.  

A Master is about self control, being centered, and feeling good about your domination.  Is this just a fetish that occurs in the bedroom (or dungeon) but is left in room afterwards.  The other lifesyle is to live in BDSM lifestyle 24/7.  I have personally done both through the years and currently leave it in the dungeon as I

have a great partner that meets my needs for a relationship. 

Torn between two Lovers

Keven is a great lover.  He really exerts his emotions through his body movement and passionate kissing and linking together in bonding.   When I met Keven, it was at a gay nude lodge in Northern Maine (a hot little place, year round).  When he was prowling the guys, he was in his alter ego called Jed.  Jed is rough, on the edge, pure sex, hot.  He popped around the lodge having fun here and there having a carefree time.  I was jealous of his nature.  I wish I could be that free.   Though I initially resisted him (he was there at the lodge with another person), I began to secretly desire him.  But I also got to know Keven and really connected with him.  Our first encounter was me having to tame Jed down as I wasn't in the mood to be pounded from hell or give up control.  I was able to do so, and for the most part have kept Jed in bay.

Unfortunately, Keven doesn't appear to be able to let Jed out with me.  He doesn't want to hurt me.  But the pain that he exerts, is transformed within me and becomes my personal fit for being dominated without losing my domination.  Don't get me wrong, I can boy out, not as good as a real boy, but I give it my all.  And I can't think of a better person to do this with then Keven.   But I don't want Jed to only occur with three ways and encounters.  I want to experience Jed with myself.  I'm attracted to Jed, his anger, his control, and impulse for self gratification...all the things I feel as a Dom.  But Jed is not a Dom in the same sense.  He is an aggressive top.   That distinction is what makes me feel more at ease, because he isn't threatening my own ego.  He is simply topping a dom, transforming the Dom into a boy.


I don't know if I'm a switch.  I'm versatile, but that's different.  I can maintain being a Dom even if I'm being fucked.  Being a switch is someone who can go from Dom to sub.   That appears to be something that is a greater challenge for some like myself.  I want to experience true submission, but I would never live or maintain a sub mode.  It would be purely on a sexual basis.  They would need to be more dominate then myself, yet not threatening. I have to connect, without it, I won't put my guard down and there will be no dominating.  I believe I would get all of this from Jed.  Jed is my fantasy, while Keven lies next to me.  Don't get me wrong, I prefer Keven to Jed 6 to 1, but I hunger for a part of Keven that he wants to surpress from me.  But in truth, if he plays with others, Jed is going to come out because he'll protect his love.  So I get to play beside Jed, but his attention is on the boy toy.  And I can't be submissive when a boy is present, just isn't going to happen.  So I get to watch, but not experience.

What hinders all of this?  Love.  Keven would rather experience making love then he would role play.  Since I seem to be the predominate top in this situation, love making works well.   Also because he loves me, he doesn't want to physically harm me, so he is less apt to smacking my face or saying something agressive.   I want to be bound and in his total control.